Homeschooling and Self-Doubt

As our first year of homeschooling draws nearer, I've been thinking about a lot of things. My son is going to be starting kindergarten and we're choosing to homeschool...and I've begun to have doubts. Not in my child or his socialization or anything to do with him really...I have self-doubt. Every time I sit down to lesson plan or think about the year ahead, the questions immediately start popping into my mind: Am I smart enough to homeschool? What if I get stressed out? How will I handle homeschooling my son and taking care of the baby? Will I be able to teach Math? (I really suck at Math.) What if I have more kids? Will I homeschool them all? What if he doesn't like homeschooling?
Of course, some of these questions I won't have to worry about for many more years and some will probably never happen...but they still come to me regardless. While sorting through some things in my bedroom the other day, I happened upon one of my old pen and paper journals. In it, I found an entry from not too long after I found out I was pregnant with my son. I was excited but also incredibly nervous. I was having an episode of self-doubt, similar to what I'm experiencing now. I had written questions like: Will I be a good Mom? How will I know what to do with the baby? Will the baby cry a lot? What if the baby doesn't like me? How will I know what it needs?
I was incredibly nervous about becoming a parent and I obviously didn't just transform into Mrs. Magical Mom that could solve any problem with a potato. I've messed up, made mistakes and just plain did things that were stupid. But I've also learned a lot too...and I think I've done a pretty good job so far. I obviously thought being a Mom was okay because I had another kid! :) And of course, God has helped me along the journey - blessing us with great kids that (generally) like to sleep, helping me and my husband to know what's right and wrong for our family, giving me a helping hand in the form of family members, etc.
Parenting has it's ups and downs, it's mysteries and miracles but through it all you find something that works for you - and that's all that really matters. And I think the same can be said about our homeschooling journey. Yes, I'm a little nervous now but once we get started and figure out what's right for us, I think we'll do just fine. Also, this gives me a chance to quash that self-doubt that likes to sneak up on me when I'm trying something new or embarking on a journey. Prayer is always helpful to calm my fear and soothe my troubled mind - my prayer today is to put more faith in myself, my abilities and most importantly, God.

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