Reassurance

picture source - sideshowmom
It's no secret that I am not always completely confident in myself. Or it shouldn't be as I've hashed out decisions and their pros & cons a lot on this blog. I mentioned awhile back that I hadn't been writing about our homeschooling over the summer, even though we were still at it. I chalked it up to it being summer, having a lighter schedule, etc. which is true...but it's also because I've been struggling. I've been feeling like I've been doing a bad job in a lot of different areas of my life. My weight loss has plateaued again. Fail. We've been working on the house so everything is topsy turvy, there's stuff everywhere and I've been falling behind on chores - so another fail. There's a few other situations but I won't go into them - you know what I mean, though. Fail, fail, fail. I even asked my husband the other day if I was doing the right thing by homeschooling because we'd been having issues and because my son had been asking me about when he would get to go to "big boy school."

Before I knew it, I was feeling very, very low. That little devil on my shoulder that loves to get me down - or Satan or the negative part of myself, whatever you personally call it - was leaning towards my ear and whispering,

"He doesn't like homeschooling, you're just doing it for you and you can't even do it right.
He's going to be socially awkward and weird and stupid. He's not going to have any friends. You're going to fail him. You're not good enough. You're not a teacher. Look at how much stuff you've been doing wrong. You're a bad mom."

I know I'm not the only one who has this happen, right? It doesn't happen all the time or anything but when it does, it feels bad. I resolved to pray about it though and press on. The next day while I was on the computer, an acquaintance of mine sent me a message and told me she was interested in homeschooling and had a few questions if I didn't mind. She was really interested in homeschooling but didn't think she had enough patience and also was worried about socialization & her family's negative attitude about it. Hello, been there and done that! I talked to her about it for a little while and shared some of my thoughts. Then we planned a meet-up for later in the week to discuss it more. I told her I would bring some of my homeschooling materials as well so she could look at them. When I got off the computer, I was smiling ear to ear.
Perhaps that doesn't mean anything to anyone else but to me that was a reassurance that I am doing the right thing. The little angel on my other shoulder went over and kicked the little devil in the crotch and laughed as he fell off. I'm not a bad mom - I struggle with things just like any other mom. We all have our things that trip us up and our moments where we get down. Things have been rough but that's because of my stressing over things that will work out, because our house has been torn up, I've been focused on the wrong things, etc. This week since I started planning better and refusing to stress about the little things, things have gone really well.
I need to remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing - and think about the long term goals. I need to revel in the little joys and accomplishments that happen each day. It's not always about doing & how much I can get accomplished - it's also about these little souls I'm nuturing and caring for. The harder things will work out - I just have to have faith. I also got to thinking about all the people I've talked to about homeschooling since we started. If I wasn't homeschooling, all those people I've talked to about it might never have heard about it or considered doing it, as some of them have. I just may have changed some futures.
(And as it turns out, Zeke's just been interested in public school since he's heard older cousins and other family talking about going back to school and he was confused because he didn't know what that meant exactly. Also, riding a bus is extremely appealing to him. But what little guy doesn't want to ride a bus?!)

7 comments :

  1. Oh the little things in life that makes our world go 'round isn't it? I know sometimes I worry I'm not doing a good enough job but I know I'd feel even worse throwing in the towel and sending them to the lions. So, we keep on keeping on :)

    Great post! Following from the crew.

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  2. I have talked to people that have home schooled and their kids are smart, and about socializing don't we all go out into the public and spend time with other families? I see it as a good thing without all the competiton of who's wearing the best shoes and clothes, it's hard enough just growing up.

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  3. There are times when we all feel like we are failing. The enemy does a great job planting those seeds of doubt within us. Don't listen! Keep knocking him off your shoulder. You are your child's perfect teacher. God himself chose you. Your child will be much better off socially at home than he would have been at school.

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  4. Shay,
    I am you newest follower.
    I know what you mean. Even after 20 years of homeschooling Satan and our failures can still make us doubt our decisions. I, also, have been able to talk to so many people about homeschooling. I am glad you had an opportunity which lifted your spirits and kicked that little devil off your shoulder.

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  5. You don't know me from Adam, but if a little encouragement from a stranger helps, "YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!" How do I know this when I am a complete stranger? Because in reading your blog, I can see the concern you have over doing the right thing for your child, and that you are praying about it. Any mother who is completely concerned about doing the right thing for her children and who is praying over them is the best teacher they could have. :)

    I am your newest follower now. :)
    noteablescraps.blogspot.com

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  6. Thank you guys so much! The comments mean the world to me - they really do. It's nice to hear that others struggle with this too - well, it's not NICE that others struggle...but it is nice to know that I'm not alone. You know what I mean! :) *hugs to all*

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  7. Reassurance in any form is encouraging. No, you are not alone.

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