Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Pregnancy Journal ~ 41 Weeks (or so)

41 weeks, 4 days
I decided to break away from the questions I've been answering each week and just write out my thoughts as they come to me instead. As a forewarning, this entry should probably be entitled Cranky Pregnant Lady...

We had a midwife visit on Friday and at it we discussed about how at my very first visit, according to the dates I gave her, my due date was February 14th. It was after I went to get the ultrasound (when we couldn't find the heartbeat) that they said according to how I and baby were measuring that my due date was February 7th. So I am possibly just a little over 40 weeks instead of 41 weeks...but either way, we are past my due date now. I measured 40 weeks again, had gained two pounds, and the baby's non-stress test was good so no worries. We discussed some different things we could do to help labor along naturally and will probably be trying some of those at my appointment this coming Friday, assuming nothing happens before then. Nothing drastic and of course none of it will do anything unless my body/baby is already prepared to start labor.

I've continued to have some headaches on & off - I think mainly because of the changes in the weather and my sinuses acting up. I had a horrible migraine on Friday but was able to rest, took some Tylenol, and it cleared right up. I think it probably also has to do with my hit or miss sleeping. I've been having to sprawl out across the bed with the pillows arranged just so to be able to sleep decently - which is a bit of an issue if hubby is here. Luckily he works nights so I've been able to do this the majority of the time - but I'm still tossing & turning some. I'm also finding that after I start my day, once it hits about 10 AM I get VERY sleepy. I've been having to nap almost every day at this time just because I feel like I literally can't keep my eyes open at all.

I ask for general prayers for me, please. I've been having a lot of negative feelings this past week in addition to uncomfortableness. These past few days have been a little rough. I've been part of a group of ladies online that were all due around the same time and that has been very nice to have - to talk about symptoms, empathize with one another, talk about baby stuff, etc. But it's been very hard for me to see all their birth stories & baby pictures posted over the past two weeks or so. I know that it's not a big deal and I am really very happy for them...but I'm also hormonal and very ready for this baby to get here.

People mean well is what I keep telling myself. They just want to be involved or show an interest. The majority of people I don't mind talking to and I do know that they mean well...but some people just rub me the wrong way. Like when they find out the baby isn't here yet and they immediately launch into a barrage of questions - "Aren't you worried? Well you're supposed to have the baby on your due date! Is the doctor concerned? You look so miserable! Hopefully he's not HUGE."

Answers I Want To Give/Have Given: Telling me I look miserable is not helpful. At all. Would you like it if I told you how horrible you looked? I didn't think so. No, I'm not worried. A little anxious and very much ready, yes. Worried, no. The more you talk about worrying, the more it irritates me. No, the doctor isn't concerned because she's a midwife and she knows that babies will arrive when they're ready. I hope he's not HUGE also since I will be the one actually birthing him out of my body but I also understand that babies come in all shapes & sizes and I'm not going to get him yanked out just because he might be getting a little larger or taking a bit longer than what is considered "normal" now. And truthfully, only a very small percentage of babies are actually born on their due dates - you are only truly "post date" when you're over 42 weeks. Even ACOG says that.


I've also been getting: "Aren't you worried something is going to go wrong with your homebirth? I read about/heard a story about/knew someone whose baby DIED/who had to be transferred to the hospital/who had a hemorrhage/etc. Homebirth seems so unnatural/irresponsible." Well, we really researched homebirth a lot and I won't say that there is no risk - there's always a risk with pretty much anything you do. But since this has been a low-risk, normal pregnancy I am pretty confident. This isn't something I just decided I wanted to do on a whim. My midwife has been delivering babies for many, many years and is highly regarded in our state. She's expressly told us that she does not mess around or take chances and I appreciate that. We live within 5-10 minutes of a hospital. We have emergency plans in place in case we would need them. This is not something I take lightly. And our country's maternal mortality rate (with the majority of births being in the hospital) is no laughing matter either. Those are all answers I try to provide but the types of people that ask those questions generally either just want to hear themselves talk or don't really care and don't truly want to hear your answer.

SO other than visiting/talking with close friends and family, I decided to let our social calendar fall by the wayside for the most part until baby arrives. Hubby and I have already agreed that next time we'll probably just add a month or so to my due date...assuming we tell anyone to begin with! I kid, I kid...mostly.

On a happier note, I really am blessed with some great friends & family that have been checking up on me. One friend just happened to message me on a down day to ask how I was feeling emotionally. She probably didn't know that I was feeling down but that really meant a lot to me. Another friend came over to visit, very graciously made me a birth skirt to wear during labor, AND brought me over her cloth diaper newborn stash. I had a lot of fun sorting it all out into the baby's dresser - he has a drawer completely stuffed full of fluff now!


I hate to sound so negative and I hope that I haven't been a total downer in this post. I am truly grateful for my health and the baby's health. This has been my healthiest pregnancy thus far and I thank God for that. I'm glad the baby is "cooking" as long as he feels is necessary. I'm also glad I never had to deal with preterm labor, having a preemie, bed rest, or anything like that. I am very fortunate and I know that I probably actually will miss being pregnant...eventually. :) I cannot wait to see what he looks like though, to dress him up in all his cute little outfits, cuddle him, and introduce him to all the people that are so excited to meet him.

I found this post from Birth Without Fear to be especially inspiring and will leave you with just a little quote from it:
I am on the outside with exhausting thoughts and emotions. With aches and pains that bring me to tears. With the world throwing their “knowledge” and opinions at me like shards of glass. Some get through my outer layer of defense, piercing my confidence. They sting and hurt a little bit until I can rid of them.
BUT, my sweet baby is inside of my womb, protected from all of this. Baby is happy, comfortable and safe. Most importantly, the veil is thin for my baby and his/her wisdom is infinite. Regardless of how I feel, I know this as truth. I trust that God, my body and my baby are perfect. They are not cluttered with the “knowledge” of my mind. They are pure.
My Joy-Filled Life

7 comments :

  1. Oo, LOVE the quote at the bottom! You are 100% right to feel everything you're feeling, Mama! Being a home birth mama is especially difficult at times towards the end because of the naysayers and misinformed people on top of the regular discomfort. You're very wise to not let it shake your confidence in a decision you made so carefully. Will be praying for your peace of mind and hopefully some rest before the little one gets here. :) *hugs* <3

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  2. Shay - you are doing AMAZING!! I love and appreciate your honesty in your post. It's okay to have down days and be ready to meet your little guy, and to be hormonal!! But you have an awesome outlook, knowledge of birth, and faith! I think it's very wise of you to lay low and not subject yourself to the negative comments from others and to surround yourself with supportive people.

    As crazy as it sounds, you're right, you will miss being pregnant!! Even when you are holding that little one, there is just something about being pregnant and having that baby safe inside.

    Keep up the good work and your faith! Get all the rest you can and know that you are covered in prayer!!

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  3. My heart goes out to you, Shay. So, so close. You made me laugh with your answers to people's "opinions". The amount of times I've had to tell people that, "No, I'm not due tomorrow" {only 7 months in} and "No, I'm not having twins" is crazy. For some reason, when you're pregnant it's like there is a sign on your head saying I'M PREGNANT: FEEL FREE TO OFFER ME YOUR THOUGHTS. Seriously.

    I have been struggling with negativity too, so you are sooooo not alone. I'll be praying for you, that the day is almost here. Grace, my sister, grace :)

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  4. Thinking of you, lady! Can't wait to see baby!! :)

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  5. Wow! Some people just don't think before speaking, do they? Enjoy this little time left with that baby in your belly. There are so many of us out there who would love to have a little one kicking inside and that's just not been God's will. So block out all the negativity and enjoy the final weeks of your pregnancy.

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  6. I have a feeling your baby is here by now but if not you are so very close!

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  7. Pregnancy suits you so well. I say congrats on the little one in advance!

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