Some Words on Friendship


The one who texted me a quick and urgent request, knowing I would drop what I was doing to pray. Just as she would for me.

The one who understands my love of Doctor Who. And the other one who likes The Walking Dead. The one who hates most of the things I watch but puts up with me anyway.

The one who answers my random messages ranting about something dumb so I don't vent about it stupidly online before I've had a chance to process it all.

The one who had to drop something off at my house the other day and didn't bat an eye when I sheepishly said, "Sorry I'm still in my pajamas" at 6 PM. She said: "That's ok, I only got out of mine to bring this stuff to you!" (It was one of those days and it meant the world to me to hear that.)

The one I can talk to about literally ANYTHING because we've seen each other through some messy and weird situations. And come out stronger!

The ones I call "my friends."

These are the real, true friendships I have cultivated with mommas (and a few moms-to-be) of different ages, types, shapes, and sizes. I've written about friendship before and it's kind of interesting to see how things grow & change as we age. Or maybe it's just me. I don't have a ton of BFFs that I talk to every single day but I do a lot of different friends that I appreciate and value, regardless of the time we get to spend together.

Life gets busy sometimes. And it's easy to put friends on the back burner because they aren't with you all the time and they aren't screaming at you for attention like other things do. We all do it sometimes. It's also easy to get frustrated because somebody hasn't called (or texted or stopped by) in awhile. I used to be VERY BAD about doing that. I will use "Ruth" as an example. (I don't have any friends called Ruth so that's a safe one to use!) So let's say Ruth has gotten busy and we haven't talked in awhile. I would often find myself thinking, "I guess Ruth doesn't care how I am. She hasn't even texted me in a week or two. I saw her in the store the other day and she barely spoke to me. Guess she's too busy for me!" And then I'd huff around and probably complain to my husband for a few days before he told me to shut my pie hole. Ok, so maybe he didn't say that. But I bet it was something similar. :)

I'm happy to say that I have successfully distanced myself from doing that, for several reasons. For one, it's rude and assuming. I shouldn't just ASSUME someone doesn't like me or doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know how they feel unless I ask them and they tell me. Which leads to my next point...have I put forth effort to talk to them, stop by and see them, send them a card, ANYTHING? If not, then I do need to shut my pie hole. And have I inquired about what's going on in their life? I've made a point to scale back our activities and such so we don't have the disease of "busy-ness" that our society seems to be addicted to but that doesn't mean that they have or that they don't have something major going on that I don't know about.

And really friendship in the stage of motherhood can be a chore. Sometimes when we've attended a playgroup (where the moms sit & chat while the kids play) I feel like all we've done is chat for a few seconds at a time before someone needs attention, someone needs to potty, someone hit someone, etc. We have to catch free moments when we can and sometimes a nap or an uninterrupted shower takes precedence over a catch up phone call.

After I had Ellie, I had minor postpartum depression. I've never actually written about it on here and I will more sometime but I think a lot of it had to do with not having in place or utilizing a support/friendship system. When Zac was born, I had people coming by to check in on me, helping with my chores, bringing me meals, and just offering to listen. I didn't feel helpless and alone like I did before - and my friends were a big part of that.

Hopefully this is coming out the way I want it to. All I wanted to really share was how I hope to be a better friend in the future and to share my appreciation for the multitude of different friendships I have with people of all kinds. :)

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