Some day in the future when you're reading this, I hope you won't be embarrassed about the things I've written. I was just reading an article that said blogging or sharing things about your kids sets them up for job failure, embarrassment as young people, is an invasion of their privacy, etc. I don't think that's necessarily always the case. Sure, some people go too far or "over share" but I don't feel like I've done that.
I hope you understand why I blog mainly about you all. It's because you are my life. And life with you guys is great - tiring, frustrating at times, silly, chaotic...but always great.
I guess the article got to me because I feel pretty crappy right now. Obviously I haven't been blogging regularly. I feel like I've been failing you kids, almost daily it seems like. I lose my temper, I yell, I get lost in trying to keep up with the home, I model behaviors I don't want you to repeat. Here recently I've felt like I'm floundering. Like I'm just treading water in the middle of a huge, vast ocean. I've tried systems and schedules I can't follow through with. I'm lazy/tired during the day because I'm having trouble sleeping at night and I've consequently been sleeping in too late. Your schoolwork has fallen by the wayside. We're doing the bare minimum and that's not acceptable to me.
I am going to a "Moms of Many" group tomorrow where we're going to talk about organization, planning, and managing a big family. This could not have come at a better time. I'm hoping this along with examination of my priorities and the homemaking/motherhood books I'm reading will give me the kick in the pants I need.
Anyway, I just wanted to say a few things to each of you for whenever you do happen to find my blog. Maybe I'll even make this a recurring thing since I imagine certain things will change as you grow.
Zeke, I looked at a picture of you the other day and realized you are becoming a young man. I depend on you a lot. You are a great helper with the little ones, even if you do boss Ellie around a lot. ;) I see so much of myself in you. We both wear our emotions on our sleeves and share so many similar interests. You have a gentle kind spirit that I hope you always keep.
Ellie, I love doing things with you. Baking cookies or painting nails, you're always excited. Even when we're driving in the car, you're always talking and pointing things out that you like or that are pretty. We may butt heads on certain things but I can't wait to see how your determination and strength are a part of your young adult/adult life.
Zachariah, you are a spitfire. You're two years old and my life with you at the moment consists of making sure you don't kill yourself jumping off of things of climbing into places you shouldn't be. You're so full of love right now, though too. I see great things (and possible hospital visits) in your future.
Hezzy Sam, you are my littlest one. Your sweet personality is developing and growing. You have the biggest smiles. I can't wait to see how you grow and change.
I love you all.