Pregnancy is a wonderful, beautiful, magical time in a woman's life. It also has some parts of it that aren't so fun, though. Puking your guts out for several weeks springs to mind... However, when you start to near the end of your pregnancy, there's some things that happen that you may not be quite prepared for....
10. People begin regarding you as something like an oven or magic eight ball. You feel like they're watching for a timer to pop out, or maybe a secret message to decode.
"Haven't you had any signs of labor?" "What about ____ day? That would be a good day to have a baby!" "Oh surely you won't go much longer!" They mean well. They really do. But when you're the size of a whale and anxiously watching for all those things yourself, sometimes it can irritating.
9. Every time you call someone they assume it's because you're in labor. And anytime you show up somewhere, someone inevitably says, "You haven't had that baby yet?!?!" Or something similar. Like you're supposed to just sit at home, confined to your bed, until the baby decides to arrive.
8. You wonder why there isn't some sort of federal law regarding end-of-pregnancy clothing. Something that deems it lawful for you to wear those ratty (but oh so comfy) pajama pants out in public for the last few weeks perhaps. Or maybe a comfortable Grandma-style muumuu.
7. Strangers in the store NEED to know when you're due. Heaven forbid you try to walk around after your due date...they act like your water is going to break, flood the store, and sweep them all away. And they ask all manner of inappropriate questions - like "Are you dilated yet?" Sorry sir, I don't generally talk about my uterus with strangers while I'm buying groceries.
6. You've heard, "Have you tried ______?" waaaaaaay too many times regarding inducing labor. Everybody has their own idea on what will work. Apparently you're supposed to go hit up the spicy food buffet, then take a bumpy jolting car ride down a country road, and follow it up with a castor oil smoothie...shudder. I think I'll stay pregnant for another week or two, thanks.
5. Things that fall to the floor, stay on the floor. You'll get them eventually. When you can reach the floor again.
4. You've discovered strange new yoga moves. One is called "Trying to Shave Your Legs at 39+4." Another is "Attempting to Get Off The Couch Without Grunting." And you can pretty much forget sleeping. It's nearly impossible.
3. You want to EAT ALL THE THINGS, and probably have some very specific things in mind. And you'd do pretty much anything to get them. Like kill a man. Or you may have the opposite problem - absolutely nothing sounds good. :( In which case, HOW DARE YOU EAT NEXT TO ME?!
2. Your moods alternate between psychotic, loving, hysterical, and stressed out thanks to super fun hormones. You're feeling a lot of ups and downs and sometimes your family/friends have to share the brunt of your emotions.
1. You're alternately ready for it all to be over and thinking it went too quickly.